Despite my best intentions, sooner or later I'm sat here in lingerie, heels and made-up again and only then feeling my true self. I'm confused, utterly. 100% hetero and unattracted to the male form, yet I so very much want to be treated sexually like a woman, looking like a woman, feeling like a woman - by a man! I think perhaps that I actually want to experience that from someone like myself, feminine but male. Jeez, I just don't know girls - I'm just a contradictory hot mess and don't know where to go from here. More often now I find myself embracing the thrill of venturing out dressed (I'm barely passable) and experiencing that sexual encounter - but then I understand it would be a manly looking man who would be pleasing me. That scares me and repulses me at the same time. I need GF's with benefits...