Ask Jane, Column 10

He Loves his Wife but T-Girls Scratch His Itch

Dear Jane,

I am 26 years old. I got married last June; before that I was with my wife for about 3 years. I cheated on her many times with t-girls. I have been aroused by men who look like women since I was 17 or 18. I had my first sexual encounter with a transsexual when I was 21. We had a boyfriend-girlfriend thing for about a year and then called it quits because she lived about an hour away and the long distance thing just didn’t work.

Ever since then I have craved cock but not just any cock. I don’t like regular guys; I prefer t-girls or some passable cross-dressers. However, I love my wife so much … I don’t know what to do about it.

When my wife and I first got together we had sex like jackrabbits. I used to eat her pussy all the time and I loved sucking on her toes (she has a very sexy size 5 feet). I’d please her, then do it to her doggy-style, which she prefers. Then I’d flip her over onto her back and tell her to suck my nipples. I’d think of a t-girl banging me in my tight ass and I’d cum in no time. Why is it I need that kind of stuff to get my nut off while I’m supposed to be making love with my wife?

My wife is great. She cooks for me and cleans for me and we get along well. In the beginning I told her about my past relationships and she was okay with them. We even went to a sex store and bought a strap-on. We used it one time, but I prefer the real thing, which my wife refuses to consider.

Now our sex life is nil and she tells me I’m a faggot (am I?). We used to talk about me sucking on a t-girl’s cock and getting banged in the ass, then we’d have some real hot sex but now she doesn’t even want to talk about it. She still lets me get my Transformation magazine in the mail, that’s about it. Do you have any advice for me, Jane?

Stuck Between Two Kinds of Women

My Darling Stuck,

If we didn’t have social constructs about what a “normal” relationship looks like, you’d probably be happily settled down with a wonderful t-girl. As it is, you appear to be trying to fit your round self into a square hole, struggling – in vain – to be fulfilled by a genetic woman when what you want is a woman with a little something extra (or, per your tastes, perhaps a big something extra).

The best you can say about your wife is that she cooks and cleans for you? Ahem, you can hire those things out. She sounds verbally abusive – at the very least, disrespectful – to me. Is this the relationship you want .. or do you stay because you won’t be satisfied with any genetic woman and you know it?

You wonder whether you’re gay. Well, it appears to me that you like the best of both worlds … that gorgeous hard cock AND the softness and femininity that a woman embodies. Whether this is “gay” or not is, to me, not answerable. Another sexologist would say that if a man likes cock, he’s gay, period. I think the glorious mystery of sexuality makes it a far more complex issue.

Anyway, our sexuality exists on a continuum … and it’s fluid, able to change over time. I think the label is far less important than our being true to ourselves. Only you can measure your needs and desires and weigh them against society’s expectations of how you “should” behave in your private life.

It’s a new year, baby, a most excellent time to examine what’s in your heart and what makes you feel most alive … and ultimately most satisfied with your life.


P.S. The black and white photo of me accoompanying this column was taken (three years ago) by Roger Jazilek, a master of old-world, very soft, sensual depictions of women in lingerie. To see more, visit Happy New Year to all … Thank you for your beautiful candor; I view each letter with a soft heart.


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