Out and About with Michelle Hart – Column 24

Fire your guns

Naval artillery in the age of sail encompasses the period of roughly 1571 through 1863 when large, sail-powered wooden naval warships dominated the high seas. These ships mounted a bewildering variety of different types and sizes of cannon’s as their main armament. By modern standards, these cannon’s were extremely inefficient, difficult to load, and comparitively short ranged. These characteristics, along with the handling and seamanship of the ships that mounted them, defined the environment in which the naval tactics in the age of sail developed. Firing a naval cannon required a great amount of labour and manpower. The propellant was gunpowder, whose bulk had to be kept in a special storage area below deck for safety. Powder boys, which were typically 10-14 year old children, were enlisted to run powder from the armory up to the gun decks of a vessel as required.

The typical broadside of a Royal Navy ship of the late 18th century could be fired two or three times in approximately five minutes, depending on the training of the crew; a well trained crew being essential to the simple yet detailed process of preparing the gun’s to fire. Ironically, the British admiralty did not see fit to provide additional powder to captains to train their crews, generally only allowing only 1/3 of the powder loaded onto the ship to be fired in the first six months of a typical voyage, barring any hostile action. Instead of live fire practice, most captains exercised their crews by “running” the guns in and out, which is the term used to perform all the steps associated with firing except the actual discharge. Some wealthy captains, those who had made money capturing prizes or those from wealthy families, were known to purchase powder with their own funds to enable their crews to actually fire at real targets.

One descriptive characteristic which was commonly used to define guns was by their pound rating. Theoretically, this was the weight of a single solid iron shot fired by the bore size of the cannon. Common sizes were 42-pounders, 32-pounders, 24-pounders, 18-pounders, 12-pounders, 9-pounders, 8-pounders, 6-pounders, and various other smaller calibres. French ships used standardized guns of 36-pound, 24-pound and 12-pound calibres, augmented by carronades and smaller pieces. In general, larger ships carrying more guns carried larger ones as well. The muzzle-loading design and weight of the iron placed design constraints on the length and size of these naval guns. Muzzle loading required the cannon to be positioned within the hull of the ship for loading. The ships hull was only so wide, and with the guns on both sides, the hatchways in the centre of the deck also limited the room available. Weight was always a great concern in the ships design as it affected the speed, stability, and buoyancy. The desire for longer guns with greater range and accuracy, and greater weight of shot giving much more destructive power, led to some very interesting gun designs.

Wild beast, I’ll make you mine, taste your kiss, sweet lips devine, she got moves, drips of sweat she got eyes of blue, body curves and Legs that’ll break your nerves…

Well ladies as we sit here tonight enjoying the gentle sway of the ocean and enjoying the fine tea’s of the Royal Navy it’s really important that our own cannons are ready should we need them. I understand that many may foolishly believe that we won’t ever need them to be ready so just sit back and relax as a tell you a wicked little tale of my own high sea’s adventure’s….

So there we were, it was three o”clock in the morning, in a deserted parking lot, with some wonderful smooth jazz reverberating throughout the cabin. The building desire was evident for both of us, there really was no doubt where things were quickly going and any second that delightful joyride was about to begin. I had been there many times before and was just as terrified each and every time previously. I wondered to myself if this would this be my last charge or would I live to see the dawn of a new day. The pillow soft leather seat cradling my behind was warming up fast and my own body was on fire as it prepared for what was comming, but there was one very important issue that needed some resolution first. As I leaned back for a quick respite by gently placing my hand upon his chest, to slow things down for just a moment, I also leaned back against the door just in case the blows came quicker than expected.

The time was now, the moment had arrived, I would be running those 32 pounders out again for another broadside. Could I do with it again, could I fire so mercilessly into an unprepared vessel that was simply passing by? Was this going to end in the fireworks we both craved with a blaze of glory or lead to just more smoldering wreakage sinking to the sea floor. His lips continually sought my heaving bossom, yet I knew instinctively that my time was running out. The time to fire was NOW! I leaned back even closer to the door, my back arched painfully from the pressure it now endured. I could feel every ripple and every curve of the metal and wood as my body ground deeper into it. Every single derogitory remark I had ever been called flooded my mind as I preparred to fire. In those few moment’s I had gone through each battle, each and every fight, that had resulted from simply flying my colors.

I knew it would hurt, it always does. The pain is often beyond what can be described as the impact of each volly comes faster and faster. As the roaring thunder rang in my ears and each blow strikes my mainsail the unmistakable sound of the cannon fire is hard to miss. Time slows down an incredible amount as you watch each iron shot crash into your hull. Each one reverberates through you down to the very bone. Every nerve is alive and in absolute overdrive as my heightened senses began absorbing the smallest details.

The air was so thick, filled with the excrutiatingly heavey weight of an impending doom. I could easily recall so many previous nights just like this. The fog of battle, the thundering sound, the rapport from each volly as it crashes into the deak. Even though they had for the most part ended badly I sill held out hope that this time would be different in some way. I’m starting to gradually realize they wont ever be, but I still cling to the fantasy that it can actually happen. Fortune favors the bold and I needed to be bold now. My next utterance would begin the chain reaction. I needed to light the fuse, could I venture into the breach one more time?

I can still see the fire in his eyes as I landed the final blow. “I’m a little different” I told him, “we need to talk for just a minute” I wispered. With an enchanting smile he just said “well I dont normally do this either”. I mused for just a moment….. I actually wished it were only that simple. IT NEVER IS, but these things never go quite as planned ladies. “Um, actually I’m a transsexual and I really felt you needed to know” was my next volly. Suddenly that bonfire of passion disipated to a puff of smoke and the shock was evident. For a purely twisted thrill I almost launched into a deep baratone to prove it, but suddenly realized that I actually couldnt remember how. It’s truly odd some of the silly things that go through my mind when I see that utterly suprised look. I may just start carrying around a little red clown nose, for added effect, to see how well that works sometime. I honestly don’t really think it would matter very much. The next thing he said was “but I’m not gay” and I almost laughed at the idiocy of that ridiculous comment. Seriously guys when you’ve spent all night watching twin peaks while doing oral surgery on a woman do you really need to say something so dumb?

Granted, that really wasnt the time to practice my rather questionable comedy routine. With a wave of my hands across my nearly supine frame I simply asked if there was anything about me that even remotely apeared to suggest that I was a male? Obviously following it with a reinforcing, “but I’m not either”, and that our previous actions didnt make him “gay” because of it. I know… I know… I’ve quite often said that if you just happen to have a sweet spot for us you’re totally gay but it’s really just to help our wonderful fans get over themselves. HELLO…. what ever kinda candy you like is nobodys buisness but your’s honey. Now that his previous interest had completely waned, and his desire to go any further, he imediatedly lauunched into the usual questions. All those nifty little details we just live to discuss endlessly with people we barely know.

That lady bites, hard style, drips of sex, eyes are wild, she got moves, long long legs, she got eyes of blue, body curves, legs that’ll shake the earth…

Probably one of the most difficult aspects of transition is dealing with any prospective intimate liasons. Unfortunately the vast majority of men that women like us will encounter are so insecure about who they really are that it quite literally will destroy any chance of a serious comitment to any of us. In most cases, regardless of how fantastic you look, how convincing you are, how perfect your voice sounds, or how much awe inspiring cleavage you display it will never… NEVER… get you past… Your own very unique sordid and painful past.

Ladies this situation will come up, and it WILL be an issue at some point. Weather you just took your very first shot from Dr. Feelgood, or your very last. Girls you quite literally could have completely transitioned before you left high school and sooner or later this little challenge is going to float to the surface. In some cases with rather dire results and possibly your imediate and unplanned sinking. There comes a point where you will need to come clean and tell the truth about your previous situation to whomever you are with, and ladies the sooner you do it the better. Trust me girl’s it’s far better to take you lumps right now, rather than later when you are trying to figure out which detergent is the most effective at getting blood stains out.

Sure there are a lot of kinky men out there, but they do all that in private honey, and they have an unbelievable fear of their own skeletons ever being discovered. Of all the varied fetishes that one can imagine, lust for special girl’s like us is probably the most dangerous. Renting an adult video, hiring a call girl, or purchasing some teenage tramp’s underwear is quite easily explainable. When it comes to lusting for, or the possibility of dating another “guy” then it’s quite a bit more difficult to call American Express to refuse the charge.

Fire, when she’s going down. Fire, then she make you drown. Fire, then she blow you round…

I know a lot of you girls just love to prance around in your best Sunday finery at the monthly meetings, but there is an entire world out here with all it’s unforseen hazzards waiting, and you need to be completely ready to deal with it. If you’re not ready then please… just stay home. Once you walk out that door girls the cannon fire comes pretty fast and those 32 pounders are really loud and unbelievably painful when you get hit by them. Never run, never freak out, and never, never let yourself get into situations that you are not fully ready to deal with. I realize that you think this womanhood thing is all fun and games, but for many of us it’s our real life and it has a very nasty habit of being incredibly messy if you’re not very careful. Ladies, when you’re dealing with truly adult issues there just comes a time to be an adult about them. There will come a time when you need to confess your sin’s and how you handle it will make all the difference.

Girl’s regardless of weather it’s a “straight bar” or a “gay bar” when you meet someone, be mature and honest enough to run those gun’s out. A broadside may be painful and ruin your night, but at least you’ll make it back to port…. Safe and sound.

Yeah, you want some fun gotta fire your guns.

With love,

Michelle Hart

If you have a suggestion for a topic you would like to see addressed feel free to write me through my profile on URNA. Also, feel free to Post and Comments below. If you would like to know more about me or are just curious don’t be shy, reply.