The Mirror Never Lies
In 1763 when the French military threat to the British North American colonies ended those Colonies united against the British Empire and entered a period of armed conflict known as the Revolutionary War. By April of 1775, shots had been exchanged between colonials and British soldiers. Men had been killed, and a revolution had begun. During that time a few guy’s named George, Ben, Ethan, Samuel, and quite a few more had a dream. Interestingly enough all of them wore a wig every day. They believed in themselves, and enough other people had the confidence in them to pull it off. When you think about it, having self confidence can be a pretty awesome thing and change the world if you let it. Now I’m pretty sure George was not really thrilled when he looked in the mirror and it told him he was the best shot we had but he was wise enough to listen. I’m sure glad he did too.
Ellie Mae, who is the manager of the Cross Bar, and I had lunch at Razzoos this afternoon to discuss what it’s like being a little different and how he relates to the world around him. He was unassuming and proud of who he was and what he presented. I actually was a little worried he would have his leather chaps on and a harness but a simple shirt and kaki shorts was all he wore. I would have had no problem seeing him that way since I HAVE heard the stories. Oddly enough most of them start out with “this one time at band camp”.
So there we were just sitting on the sidewalk in front of Starbucks after lunch discussing how confidence is the key to success as a man, woman, or timelord. Ellie was chatting away with a fellow who had some incredible ink done and they were hitting it off famously. The man was there with his son and was telling us about the tattoo on his wife’s back. A rather large green dragon that was full of rich color and life. This my lovely readers is what it’s all about. No matter how you look or how much you think the average Joe will stare it’s never as bad as you envision it. Ellie really summed it up nicely as we went back to our drinks.
“I just don’t care what people think. This is who I am and I’m really proud of it. I can talk to anybody about anything and it a feels really good.”
With that in mind, this month I would like to tell you all about YOU. The real you. I’m not sure if you know him or her so I would like to introduce you to that wonderful person that is just below the surface. That’s right my loyal fans, when you look at yourself what do you really see? Do you like that person or do you hate them? Does he or she inspire you to go forward or do they drag you down with guilt and shame, or is it pain and suffering. What makes you who you truly are. What is it about that special person that is worth knowing. Is it your knack for decorating or your knowledge of history? Are you a musical savant or a champion bull rider? What is it about you that lies just below the surface that is just dying to be set free. Whatever it is reach down there and help it to grow and blossom. The pain you feel and the fear of reprisal is just not worth the loss in the long run.
Ellie figured out who he really was in a hospital bed, he learned this lesson the hard way. After his radical weight loss, and fighting his own inner demons, he lay near death after several lost boughts with his self image. It took years for Ellie to finally be happy with who he was and what he looked like. His greatest desire is to help just one person see the light at the end of the tunnel and interestingly enough I share that goal. We are both here waiting for you, won’t you come join us?
Right now Both He, and Ron his partner are living life, and after 18 years together is it any wonder why. Both are just average working guys who love tattoo’s and piercing’s. Their home is full of dragon collectables, and wolf figurines. Both are passionate about these little bits of life. Ellie loves anything that is dragon related and Ron loves wolves. Each one is comfortable with sharing this part of themselves. You need to be comfortable and secure enough to do that to. Share with people what it is that you love, tell people about the real you and you will be amazed by the response. Sure some will look on with disdain but most will be interested in your special and quirky brand of happiness.
Ellie had a very difficult road to travel when he came out as a gay man to his parents. His relationship with his mom was fractured, but years later when she was very sick he immediately came to her aid. Now they have a much better and stronger relationship. It just goes to show that you never know how things will work out until you get there. Now he gets along wonderfully with his family and they accept him for who he is. Amazing as it is, he is now in the top 25 of up and coming clothing designers in the mid west, and the top 100 in the nation. Not too bad when he started out scared as a church mouse with no tail. He can look in the mirror and accept what he sees, the question really is can you?
Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?
It ain’t you sister! was the ominous reply. Oh hell no! Are you serious? This just can’t be. I look so wonderful, and I just got back from Victoria’s Secret too.
We have all had those moments. The times when no matter how hard we try for fabulous we end up looking just silly. Ahh, so many flaws and so little time to hide them. I have a love-hate relationship with my mirror, how about you? What does the mirror tell you when you gaze upon it? Does it ever lie to you? Trust me girls and boys it can’t and it wont either. When you look into that reflection glass it will show you all there is to know about or see in you. Do you see confidence or cowardice? Fabulous or frumpy? How about svelte or simian? George looked and saw a general, Ellie looked and saw a fashion icon, I looked and saw my roots showing….EEK!! what do you see?
Some days we look great and others we look not so great. It can be any number of things, work, school, bills, or just depression about what you are or wish you were. All of these things will drain you and bring you down. The good thing is none of them will affect how you feel about you. No matter where you are if you are genuinely happy with YOU then all the other stuff is just fluff. Now I’m not saying go out there and be narcissistic and think you’re a gift to humanity or anything as droll as that, but you definitely need to like the real you.
There is so much more than just the visual image you see also. What is it that you really see. Are you happy with what you see or do you feel ashamed or guilty. Are you proud of what you look like or do you see where you need improvement. I am always looking for ways to be more attractive and improve my apearance. Are you? If you’re not you should be. I’m talking about inner beauty here not how big your implants are honey.
Every day each of us looks at our own reflection, we all primp and posture, standing there doing our very best to be cool. None of us ever are, but we do our best to live up to the image we wish we actually had. We all try to climb the mountains we create in our minds called self acceptance. As you sit there perusing this latest missive from your virtual vixen you know it’s true. All of us desperately want to be loved and accepted for who we are. It’s just the way we are so you better get used to it. Conversely and to our own detriment we can’t always accept each other for lot’s of differing reasons, but you can still try to anyway. Before others can accept and love you, you have to love and accept yourself.
If you’re struggling to fit in at work or at home, or you’re planning and scheming with ideas about how to win friends and coerce people into liking you. Forget it! It’s a lost cause if you don’t like yourself first and foremost. That’s where it all really begins. If you don’t like what you see in your mirror then nobody else will either. Doubt me if you want, but honey I’m here to tell you the truth. Whatever you are in life boy, girl, dragon or wolf, you have to like what you see there first or nobody else will. Besides why even bother going out on the town if your scales or fur aren’t polished, and shining.
Ellie is happy with what he sees and so am I. The best part is I keep looking better and better. It’s getting easier and easier as I have developed my style and self image. I’m not afraid anymore of being under the spotlight and can accept the critique of any other woman on the street. If you just trust what the mirror tells you, it can also happen for you as well.
Confidence in yourself is the biggest hurdle for everyone. Regardless of weather or not you’re part of our club or the straight and narrow ones. If you don’t believe in you when you’re in the kitchen you can’t cook. You certainly won’t ever be able to make anything scrumptious if you’re to afraid to even boil water. To often I hear people tell me about their fears of rejection or that nobody “gets” them. They never even stop for a moment to figure out why. They never ask the questions they should be asking. Most just stumble along in their comfort zone and never consider what it’s like living life outside in the fresh air.
This is just as important if not more so for you men who love us. No matter what your into or the kink you like if you don’t believe you can pull it off you won’t ever be able to. I have heard it all girls and boys, and it’s a total crock. So many of our brothers and sisters hide in the shadows and fear the “stigma” of our unique situation. Well it’s all complete rubbish! If you want to live in this world then just LIVE in it. As they say it’s time for you to just cowboy up!
A few weeks ago I had lunch with a friend that I met here on URNA. Yes I actually will meet with select people and usually have a lot of fun when I do. I did let him know that I had a show that night so staying out late was just something that just could not be done this time. I have a lot to do in preparation for a show so my time is pretty valuable. Many of you here who perform know what I mean. It’s a lot of difficult work lugging all the makeup boxes and costumes and jewelry to an event. Pageants are even worse since they are usually farther away from home. We girls work very hard to perform and make it memorable and fun. The dressing rooms are always cramped and usually pretty small. If your doing a show for Whitney Page you had better be quick too since that girl is moving fast so you had better be also. Well this particular show a few weeks ago I was doing with Onyx and Aspen. As I was sitting in the dressing room with Onyx we were just chatting away while Aspen was outside in the club announcing. It’s always funny to hear the stuff from backstage and know your the girl behind the curtain.
So there we were having our girl time and she was telling me her story and I was telling her my story. We just shared how we got started and when we KNEW we were different. The usual stuff girls talk about. What struck me was how we were the same but so very different. She looks at what she does as just a job. Nothing more. For me it’s and adventure and a lifestyle choice. We both had very similar backgrounds and had some of the same experiences. But she was a committed “HE” while I am a definite “SHE”. We are all quite different. What we are now, and where we want to end up is just as unique. Many of you here on URNA are in transition and some of you want to meet or have a girl in transition. Whatever it is just accept it, and learn to love that part of who you are. Sit back and relish that part of your very special personality.
Moments later Onyx left to go on stage and I was there alone just looking and the sexy little minx I had become. Honey I was like that before I even left my house so don’t wonder if it was just because of the impending show. That girls is confidence. I know I’m a stone cold fox and I love knowing it. The best part is I am here to help you be even better looking than me. Most of you are better looking anyway so my job is just that much easier. So there I was just sitting there in the dressing room admiring the woman I have grown into, with the slightly muffled noise of the show and the club music reverberating through the walls. I just sat and stared at myself in the mirror, I was actually kinda lost in my own image. Stage makeup has to be larger than life and I really am when I perform but the rest of the time I’m just a shy girl who does her job and watches the news before she goes to bed.
The mirror was talking to me and I was intently listening. I just sat there and drifted off into another world. So there I was looking on and reflecting back at all those years of denial and pain. All the fear and self loathing, the misery and suffering I endured just to “fit in” and go unnoticed. I could see the real me and knew who I was just by letting the image before me sink in.
All of us have had that moment to, that few minutes in our life when the mirror speaks and when it does you had better listen. If you don’t then much later in life when it speaks again you will feel pretty stupid for not listening the first time around. I sure did, I ignored it for years and was in denial and all the other stuff you have felt to. ladies and gentlemen I love you and want you to be the most wonderful people you can be, That’s why I’m here. I’ll keep the torches lit so you can meet George, Ellie, and I on the other side of the mirror.
With love,
If you have a suggestion for a topic you would like to see addressed feel free to write me through my profile on URNA. Also, feel free to Post and Comments below. If you would like to know more about me or are just curious don’t be shy, reply.