Sharing the Closet: Coming Out to Your Wife or Girlfriend

I get a lot of emails from T-Girls who are either married or have GG girlfriends. It always break my heart to hear them tell me how they feel compelled to keep their little “secret” from their partners. I remember those days myself…the fear of being “discovered”…the guilt one feels for not being able to be 100% open with your life’s partner, the surreptitious plotting and planning to spend a little time alone getting dressed…and the aching lonliness that comes from feeling so isolated. It’s a permanent, low-level stress that can, over time, corrode a marriage like a cancer.

I know…that’s what happened to my marriage.

Trust me girls…honesty IS the best policy!

From my own bitter experience, as well as experiences and words of wisdom from others, I’ve gleaned a list of “do’s and don’ts” for people in this situation. They’re certainly not hardfast, and may or may not apply to your particular situation. Yes…I can already hear you saying “But if you were in MY shoes, you’d understand…”

I DO understand!

I may not be married at the moment, but I used most of these steps to “come out” to my close friends, members of my family (those that needed to know), and my own two children. I’m happy to say I’ve been accepted by all…in most cases, my relationship with these people has deepened due to the fact I can be 100% me…nothing to hide any more…and that’s the best feeling in the world!

Take a few minutes to look at the following…there just may be something for you!

No matter how long you’ve kept it hidden…no matter how afraid you are…she is your partner…the women who shares herself with you and is entitled to the same in return. If you are sneaking around behind her back, it’s the same as if you were having an affair. In this case, however, the “other woman” is YOU! In any case…you’re being dishonest and breaking your marriage vows.

If, on the other hand, you have been honest and told her and she has chosen to trash your feelings, then I suppose you have no choice but to go “underground”, like so many T-Girls are forced to do. It’s a sad situation, of course, but there’s no way you should have to bury a large part of who you are completely…that was never part of the deal.

The point is…she at least has the right to know.

If you’re going to dress up as a woman…be a man about it!

So you’ve decided to tell her…good girl!
However, revealing your femme self to your lady by dressing up in her most exotic lingerie, silk stockings, high heels, a 4′ wig and seven pounds of makeup on your face and presenting yourself to her in the bedroom on your anniversary saying, “Well Honey? Whaddya think?” is probably not a good idea.

I recommend you take it slow. Schedule a time with her…alone…just the two of you.
Explain you have something you need to discuss with her…and keep it short and quick..the more you try to explain all at once the worse it gets. Just give her the facts.

If you have pictures…DON’T SHOW THEM TO HER!!!

She will need time to process this…better to give her some space for a while and let her know that you will answer any questions she will have honestly…then do it!

PS Don’t be too surprised if her reaction is “So that’s what it is…I knew something was up…”
Most women are a lot smarter than we give them credit for!

It’s not likely she’ll go running into the bedroom. pull out all her clothes and smile, “Here Honey! Help yourself!” She will need time to I’ve already said.

Remember you’ve been familiar with your femme self for years…she’s just met her.

Often what happens is that, once the lid is off, you feel the urge to blow out all your repression at once. Perfectly understandable of course, but it can also be very dangerous.
Just because she’s told you she won’t divorce you is NOT a license to greet her at home every day dressed like June Cleaver saying “Hi Honey! How was your day?”

She married a man, and most likely wants you to stay that way most of the time. Many couples, having gotten past the initial emotional hurricane, manage to work out a schedule…once or twice a month or something like that. It’s a compromise of course, but that’s a part of marriage anyway.

Marriage is also about sharing, but there’s a limit! Her clothes, makeup and jewellery are her personal property…you have no right to use them without her permission. If you ask and she says okay, then that’s a different story of course.
Besides, sharing makeup is downright unhygienic (Ewwww!), and she likely will NOT appreciate the smell of cigars and Old Spice aftershave on her best silk dress. Get your own wardrobe!
(But don’t blame me if she borrows YOUR things!!)

If you’re lucky enough to have a wife who is okay with your dressing, to one degree or another, consider yourself very lucky! Let her know how much you appreciate her. Little cards…the occasional mushy phone calls at work…little gifts “just because”…whatever turns her crank. Take her out ..dinner…flowers…romantic dancing…the whole bit.

….and let her wear the dress ok?


by Brina Anne Bryant

Miss Brina’s Powder Room